sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
