After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize