im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
