I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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