fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
