after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
