Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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