there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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