I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
