hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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