My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
