you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
