checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
