nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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