It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
