I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
