is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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