hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pooping to opera.
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