Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
