You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
