It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize