Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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