when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize