I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
