Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish you could order shots online.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
