Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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