Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
