Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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