Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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