You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
