Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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