how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
