I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
