We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
