she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize