My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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