I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
