The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
