The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
