Ambien. No doubt about it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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