Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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