You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
