I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
