He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize