soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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