i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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