in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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