tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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