you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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