8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How's work?
Spinning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
