i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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