"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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