Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
