There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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