I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
