So drunk its hurt
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
