I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
