@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
