This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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