I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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