we have pet lesbian snakes
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
