her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize