What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
