just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
