I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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