her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
