Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
